Thursday 18 October 2007
Hello!
I've always wanted to write the journal but always got distracted by Facebook. But haha... now I got more things to write. :DD God was faithful & never failed to show me His love & compassion each day. Now, I have a closer walk with him due to the good times & the bad times I've had. If I were to write all God has done that would take HOURS. & you wont have time to play facebook anymore so i'm going to make this short & sweet. :DD
Well so let's just talk about this hectic examzie period ok? I wasn't really very well prepared so i sorta panicked when exams came around. & I know tt i'm not the chiong until 4 am that kind. so i really REALLY was scared. i prayed. you know i was like 'sorry God for screwing up all my time (thanks to facebook) & spoiling my mid-year exam results. i'm really so sorry God.' i really meant a single word that i said. i wanted to change. i told God too that if eoys didnt turn out so well then i know that i deserved it. but you know, God is very VERY nice so this is going to be a happy ending-- no need for tissues. XDD anyway, i tried my best to make up. i did really hard core revision, studied like dont know what. but i think the really smart move that i made was to really discipline myself to do quiet time with God. and God saw tt.
then came the dilemia. should i stay up late to chiong or go & sleep @ 9pm? which is my tradition when it comes to exam time. good sleep gives you energy. =) but i was seriously TEMPTED. but i slept @ 9++ pm which was what God wanted me to do too. He delivered the message strong & clear to me. i obeyed. & had faith. that God has a plan for all this. that week's devotion was abt faith too. :)) i'm a good gal. ok, that's out of point but. still. :DDD haha. anyway each day God told me his different plans, some of which sounded totally atrocious. but i followed. cos i wanted to please God! =)
exams came. i looked at the exam paper. ooohhh! so many tough qns!! !!!! help! GOD WAS PLANNING ME TO FAIL?! nope. nothing like tt. he GAVE GAVE me the answers! really! i know all that doesnt come from me. so through the diff. papers he did that.
ART paper. oooohhh! i'm not the kind who would sit still & really concentrate on drawing. i would give up aft 5 mins cos what i drew doesnt look like mona lisa. (i'm an I person. very little patience & cant be bothered with details.) i mugged really long but cant really get a thing. then God said, "serene, stop using mechanical pencil. go find your set of drawing pencils & find the colour pencils" loud & clear. of course i didnt really heard anything but i felt it. i sighed. i'm a very disorganised person & my table is like rubbish dump--everything piled on top of one another. HOW AM I GOING TO FIND THEM??! i dragged myself & forced myself to go look. it took me only a few seconds to find them. i smiled. it's good to be a good gal. :DD then i worked. aft din-din. but cant get anything. then God said, "serene, go may's house." i was like AT THIS TIME?! but then i went. THANKS MAY! :DD & may patiently guided me through the prep work. then i completed it! at 2 am though but worth it. this time God didnt tell me to go sleep so early. he wanted me to know my art stuff well.
day of art exam. nervous. panic. i suck at art ok?! i almost wanted to cry. too late. it started & anyway i didnt bring any tissue so, oh well. then MIRACLE happened. God guided my hand, told me which colours to use & just HOW to make it just BEAUTIFUL. in the end i realised that my work was much better than my classmates. ;DD most of the time i'm like the 2nd last in class. & the most amazing thing is i had PATIENCE-- something that is just not me. i know all this come from God. all of this. all my papers.
He KNOWS just what are our desires. sometimes i wonder. if only we would trust & obey him ALL the time like tt, we have everything under control & all things will turn out just the way you wanted it to be. cos you WALK WITH GOD & OBEY HIM. this was really a great experience for me. i witnessed what God is capable of. he can do ALL things-- if only you would TRUST him.
serenee. =))
**this is a public journal. go post it on the blog! share the LOVE! :DD
Feel the vibe}};
11:00
11:00
Journal (2)
My second journal for this week got me reflecting on all the things that I’ve been through and done over the past few years of my life.
In the devotion, “Just as you are”, I understood what it means to be myself and not having to go after certain goals or dreams just to fulfill the need to be accepted. Back in the primary school days and secondary school days, they were spent chasing after a certain aim, a certain aspiration, chasing after CCA titles and getting down and out when things don’t go the way I expected it to. I still vividly remember how much time and effort being put into the prefectorial board just so I could have a place in the executive committee. How foolish I was to sacrifice things that were even more important for a mere title.
I questioned myself after reading. Have I been doing the things that I have been doing to be accepted, to feel loved, to satisfy an inner longing for more and more? Or am I doing all these for the glory of God, no other motives, just purely that? Indeed, it can be hard to give a definite answer because to be frank, most of the time, doing something would probably have a motive or reason behind it, even if half the time, these motive or reason is in “fine print”.
“The Lord did not set His affection on you and chose you because you were more numerous than other peoples, for you were the fewest of all peoples. But it was because the Lord loved you.” Deuteronomy 7:7-8. These verses spoke to me. God loved me, not because of how many talents I have, not because I was so and so but because He wants to. It’s just so simple. No impressions, no pretense.
Sometimes I wonder why it took me so long to realize that life isn’t all about me, me, me but You. But praise God for opening up my eyes and setting me free from mindless pursuits and for leading me right back to You. (:
Juanna (:
Feel the vibe}};
10:51
10:51